That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i will never coherently bang her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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