Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Enjoy the penises
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
