He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
