kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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