Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
