My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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