No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
