It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
