I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
