i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We have started to decorate penises.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
