I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
