i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
