I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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