Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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