you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As shirtless as possible
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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