No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
