Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
