Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
