My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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