The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my poor anus
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
