hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Someone came in the potted fern
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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