I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
