Heybabeimwearingurpanties
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
