Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
