I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
