I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
