I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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