I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
