my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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