hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Soap is not a condiment
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
