u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hippo gnu deer
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
