This is not my ceiling
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
