My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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