I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
