All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
