There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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