I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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