Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
