I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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