He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
