a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
