i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just high enough for therapy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
