I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
