My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
