Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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