i think my tv is drunk
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize