My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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