Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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