If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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