I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
