pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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