This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
