it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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