I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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