i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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