I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
